Part of fathering is being our children's teacher!
“One Father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters” - George Herbert.
One of my children, after their first day back at school, exclaimed “my teacher rocks!”
I was so happy to hear of his appraisal of their teacher and hoped this opinion would endure for the rest of the year. Often parents have high expectations of the Teachers our children come in contact with throughout their schooling, as we know that Teachers can have such a positive impact on children's lives. However, it is an important reminder that parents never fully relinquish this role to our education system. I have always viewed one of my roles as a father to be that of a teacher to my children. It was George Herbert who famously said “One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters”1.
To be an effective teacher to our children there are four key things to remember;
1. Remember there is a difference between a teacher and a lecturer. Our children will often tell us through the rolling over their eyes or blank stares into the distance, that we are in lecturer mode. We are ignorantly assuming that if we talk at our children, we will somehow artificially inseminate our pearls of wisdom into their empty receptive brains! No one likes to be talked at, especially children. Being a good teacher to our children requires us to be good listeners first, and then to ask really good curious questions that help them to think through situations and to form their own conclusions, followed by some kind of confirming piece of wisdom from us as their Dad.
2. Create great teaching opportunities. Sometimes we need to be thinking ahead, finding the right time or opportunity where they might be more receptive to listen to some thoughts that we would like to share. No one likes to be ambushed into a discussion about something they are not prepared for. Make a time with your children to have a chat or create a moment where there is an opportunity to talk. This might be a regular family chat over Sunday breakfast, or a specific time alone with one of them while driving in the car. Or the moment just appears, and ask “can I be your teacher for a moment?” .
3. Remember one of the best ways we can be a teacher is through example. Dr Albert Badura demonstrated that human beings were are able to learn through observation of others’ experiences, which became part of what he termed social learning theory. As fathers, we can teach our children many of life’s lessons by role modelling for them certain principles. This doesn’t always have to be lessons based on our strengths, but also on times when some of our weaknesses are on display, such as demonstrating how to fix mistakes we have made.
4. Try to use stories or anecdotes that best exemplify your point. Teenagers are especially receptive to a story, either from your own life or someone they can relate to. It helps to personalise the message you are trying to convey, and makes adults to be seen as more human and relatable.
So Dad’s, I hope we can all “rock” in our roles as teachers to our children.